


Snapping the Chats

by littlechinesedoll



Series: Cum Dumpster Bruce Wayne [24]
Category: Batman - All Media Types, Superman - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Powers, Established Relationship, Humor, M/M, Old Married Couple, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-21
Updated: 2017-05-23
Packaged: 2018-09-18 23:56:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,278
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9408332
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlechinesedoll/pseuds/littlechinesedoll
Summary: sims4downloader asked: Clark tries to use the Snapchat filters on Bruce.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> unbeta'd 
> 
> tumblr link http://cumdumpsterbrucie.tumblr.com/post/156164746206/clark-tries-to-use-the-snapchat-flitters-on-bruce

“Okay, now what?”

Dick helps Clark navigate through the app. Clark still doesn’t get it, but he’s determined to learn. Bruce gave him a new phone since his old (ancient) Blackberry gave up on him, and Clark really doesn’t have the budget for a new phone.

“Now, press and old on your face, and wait for the app to recognize your facial structure,”

Clark does as told and when the app notifies him that it recognizes the shape of his face, a dog’s ears and nose appear by his head and nose. He bursts into a laugh. “Look, look!—wait it says…” he opens his mouth like the app suggests, and a tongue licking animation plays together with a sound effect. Clark laughs again, and Dick joins him this time.

“If you want to take a picture of you with the filter, press this button once,” says Dick. “If you want to take a video, press and hold it. Then you can save the photo or video by pressing this button, or you can add text to it using this, then share it like this,”

Clark somewhat gets it. “Okay, okay,” he nods.

“You can put it on your Instagram. You’ll probably get a ton of followers if you can manage to try putting filters on Bruce,”

“Wait, how do I exit the app?”

It took Dick an hour to teach Clark everything about the phone, and that included where to download apps aside from all the basic features.

“What do you mean Bruce pays for the bill?”

“Bruce pays for the bill. That’s a company phone. You’re under the petty cash tab of Wayne Enterprises,” repeats Dick. “So you have unlimited calls, texts, and internet. If something happens, you get mugged, you drop it in the toilet, or the floor and the screen breaks, you get a replacement,” he stands up from the couch they’ve been occupying the last hour. “Gotta go though, Clark. Promised the little birds I’ll take them to a movie,”

“Oh, okay, be careful,”

Dick leaves, and Clark resumes fiddling with his new phone.

* * *

“Bruce?” Clark sits next to Bruce on their bed later that night, ready for bed.

“Yes?” answers Bruce.

“What’s a good Instagram name?”

The question makes Bruce stop reading his book. He adjusts his reading glasses on his nose and looks at Clark. “What?”

“An Instagram name,” repeats Clark.

“Oh, well you can always just use your name,” Bruce suggests, then looks at the screen of Clark’s phone. “Seems like you’re enjoying,”

“Yeah, but more like a middle-aged man fumbling through technology,” Clark chuckles. “Have you tried this chat snapping?”

“You mean Snapchat?”

“Yeah, that!”

“I know Dick uses it to annoy his siblings, but also entertain Gotham,” says Bruce. “My Facebook page is run by my PR, the company’s website is run by the IT department though its social media accounts are also run by my PR, and I only have Twitter and Instagram. Having Snapchat seems like too much work,” Bruce resumes reading his book.

“I like your Instagram!” says Clark. “I look at it on my laptop. And sometimes Cat stalks it for her column. You post a lot of the kids and the places you’ve been together,”

Bruce hums. He makes a mental note to get Clark a new laptop tomorrow. Just looking at Clark’s painfully slow, and aging one gives him a headache.  “Getting used to it yet?”

“I keep pressing on the wrong letter when I text,” Clark frowns. Maybe his fingers are too big. “Does clarkjkent sound okay?”

“Clark, it’s your name, of course it’s okay,” answers Bruce.

“Okay,” then after a few minutes, Clark says, “I followed your Instagram,”

“I’ll follow yours in the morning,”

Again there’s a few minutes of silence, and then Clark holds his phone out for Bruce. Then snaps a picture. “Gotcha!” Clark laughs.

Bruce frowns. “Why the flower crown of all the filters available?”

“Because you’re beautiful,” Clark teases. “Okay, so Dick told me to do to this and…wait what happened? How do I…”

Now, it’s Bruce’s time to laugh. “That’s karma. Be careful, you don’t want to go pushing too many buttons. The phone might explode,”

“Like the Samsung one?!”

“Relax! That phone’s developed by Wayne Enterprises. It’s not going to spontaneously combust from confused middle-aged men unable to figure out how to use it,”

The Snapchat app still doesn’t make sense to Clark, except for the fun filters, so he decides to post on Instagram since that’s a lot easier to navigate. He tags Bruce on the photo. “How come your name has a check on it?”

“Means that Instagram knows that it’s really me who owns the account,”

“Oh,”

A few minutes later, Clark steals another filtered photo of Bruce, this time, together with him. It’s the puppy filter. Clark cackles.

Again he posts it on Instagram. Dick said photos shared on Snapchat disappear after a day, so he posts it on Instagram instead, where they can stay.

“Alright, that’s enough,” says Bruce after the fifth filter with Clark. “Time for bed,” he sets the book and the glasses down on his nightstand, and dims the lampshade.

“Thank you for indulging me, Bruce,” Clark kisses Bruce’s cheek.

“You put up with me, indulging you is the least I can do,” Bruce lays his head on Clark’s chest, and Clark wraps his arm around Bruce’s shoulders. “Good night, Clark,”

“Good night, Bruce,”

* * *

“Bruce!” Clark rushes into the dining room the next morning. It’s too early and the kids aren’t awake yet. 

“What?” Bruce sips his coffee as Alfred places a plate of eggs, ham, and toast in front of him. “Thank you, Alfred,”

“My name has a check on it!” Clark sits down next to Bruce, and Alfred gives him the same plate as Bruce. “Thank you,”

“Coffee, sir?”

“Yes, please, Alfred—Bruce, it has a check on it!” says Clark. “How did I get a thousand followers overnight?”

“You’re my fiance, of course you get a thousand followers after posting photos of us _in bed_ ,”

“And there are hundreds of comments—”

“I recommend you not read them,” says Bruce as he digs into his breakfast.

“They say you look hot with glasses on,”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> anonymous asked:  
> i adored your snapchat drabble! hopefully next time clark can try live streaming and feature his man plus all the baby birds doing absolutely mundane and domestic things

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay, Clark isn’t the only one in the dark about how social media applications work. I too know jackshit about Snapchat or the IG stories since I don’t use them. Please forgive me. Sorry if this seems like rushed or something. I wrote it half asleep at work. 
> 
> tumblr link http://cumdumpsterbrucie.tumblr.com/post/160982839786/i-adored-your-snapchat-drabble-hopefully-next

Dick told him if he wanted some videos or posts to disappear after one day, he could use the stories thing on Instagram. He’s not sure why there would be a feature like that. He wants all the videos to stay on his phone because they’re memories.

Most of his posts on Instagram are random things. Bruce reading, the boys playing, the pool, whatever his book of the week is, and food. He never posts about work because keeping something like this is supposed to be fun.

He tries the stories thing one day. “Is this working?” his face is too close to the front camera and he ends up posting the five second confused video.

Gotham loves it.

“I saw your story today,” says Bruce when they climb into bed that night.

“What story?” asks Clark, snuggling into the warmth of the comforters. “I don’t think I published an article today,”

“Not that,” Bruce laughs. “Your story on Instagram,”

Clark stares at him. “What?”

“You posted a video of you asking the camera if it was working,”

Clark’s eyes widen. “I did?!” he reaches for his phone and taps around Instagram until he finds what Bruce is telling him. He frowns as the video replays. “This is embarrassing,”

“I think it’s adorable,” Bruce moves over to give Clark a kiss on the cheek. “You were on the news. Gotham loves you,”

“The news!” Clark pales.

Bruce snatches the phone out of Clark’s hands and pulls him back under the sheets. “It’s going to disappear tomorrow. And they _love_ you,” he insists, then gets on top of him, straddling Clark’s groin. “Now it’s for you to love _me_ ,”

* * *

 

In the second video, he’s a lot less confused.

“Okay,” says Jason, “Now it’s recording,”

“What next?” asks Clark. Both he and Jason are in the frame.

“Then you tap this so you can edit it,”

Clark does as Jason says. The video cuts, and Clark puts some text over it, but doesn’t let Jason see what he’s typing. “There, I posted it!”

“What?!” Jason frowns. “I thought you were just asking how to do it!”

Clark shows him the screen, and Jason’s instructions come from the phone’s speakers. The video has a text overlay that says, ‘My stepson is being adorable.’

“ADORABLE?!” Jason says incredulously.

“Well, you are,” Clark laughs.

Gotham goes insane. Clark gets flooded on Twitter about how handsome he and Jason are.

Clark has to stay away from the phone a bit though since the comments about Jason disturb him.

“Are you aware of the sexualization our children are subjected to?” Clark asks that night when they have coffee out on the porch under the night sky.

Bruce sets the cup of coffee down after a sip. “Are you aware of the sexualization you and I are subjected to?”

“I…wait, what? Are you serious?”

Bruce chuckles. “Why do you think you have so many followers? The people of Gotham want someone like you, but too bad there’s only one of you and you’re all mine,” Bruce takes a small bite of the brownie that came with their coffee.

“I’m 49 though?” Clark says and looks down on his stomach. “And I’ve got dessert pudge,”  

“You’ll find some people actually like older partners with a little pudge,” Bruce winks at him.

“I still don’t get it,” Clark frowns.

“For you to ‘get it,’” Bruce stands up and pulls Clark toward the jacuzzi. “The kids are out,”

“I still don’t but I get where _this_ is going,” Clark grins.

* * *

 

Clark decides to post the videos instead since he enjoys rewatching them.

* * *

 

Clark lets the camera focus on the tray of freshly baked cookies first before hitting record. “We’re making cookies,” he says, then moves the camera to Bruce, who’s mixing another batch in a big bowl and smiles at the camera, then to Alfred who’s using an ice cream scoop to lay out the cookies evenly on the baking tray. “The kids are coming home from school soon and they’re going to love this,”

* * *

 

“Ready?” Conner says as the camera focuses on him, Jason, and Tim.

“Go!”

Conner jumps into the pool, creating a big splash.

“Be careful!” Bruce’s voice comes from the background. “You’ll knock your heads under the water!”

* * *

 

It’s the third anniversary of Steph’s adoption (she’s six), and her seventh birthday is in a few days. Clark decides to record her reaction to her present. He uploads it on YouTube since Dick says Instagram videos aren’t that long.

They’re in one of the drawing rooms, and Steph is sitting on the sofa surrounded by fluffy pillows. It’s Bruce to hands Steph a big purple backpack with Disney characters printed on the front. “Do you know what day it is today, honey?” asks Clark.

Steph nods her adorable blonde head. “Today is my adoption day!”

“That’s right,” says Bruce, “And because it’s your adoption day and your birthday soon, your Pa and I have something special for you,”

Steph looks up at Bruce and asks, “Is the backpack mine, Daddy?”

“Yes, it’s yours. C’mon, open it so you can see what’s inside,” says Bruce.

The child opens the bag and the first thing she pulls out is a stuffed toy “MUSHU!” she squeals, hugging the toy tightly. “Thank you, Daddy! Thank you, Papa!” she kisses Bruce’s cheek and blows one over to Clark.

“There’s more in the bag, sweetie,” Clark chuckles.

Steph puts Mushu down and rummages through the backpack. She gets new teal sandals with the Little Mermaid’s shells as decoration, a Treasure Planet DVD, a new shirt with the Moana logo on it, a tiara, a tumbler with Mickey Mouse on it, a headband with Minnie Mouse’s ears and bow, and some snacks, and with every item she squeals louder and louder.

“I love Disney!” she says excitedly, already wanting to wear and play with everything given to her. “I love everything!” she hugs Mushu.  

“Where do you think you can bring all those stuff, Steph?” asks Clark as Bruce puts the Minnie Mouse ears headband on her.

“To school!” she answers.

“School is way too far away still, honey,” laughs Bruce.

“If you could go anywhere, where would you wanna go?” asks Clark.

Steph looks at all the Disney merchandise and raises her hands. “Disneyland!”

“Okay, let’s go,” says Clark with a chuckle.

“Let’s go!” says Steph, moving to get off the sofa.

“Let’s go, now. We’re going there today,” Clark adds.

Steph gasps. “Really?”

“Yes, c’mon, let’s go. We’re leaving now to go to Disneyland. Your brothers already packed,”

She stares at him. “Are you serious?”

“I’m serious,” Clark laughs.

She turns to Bruce. “Are we really going, Daddy?”

“Yes, we’re going!” Clark and Bruce chorus.

She bursts into tears and goes to hug Bruce.

“Are you excited?” Bruce laughs.

Steph nods through the tears and cries harder. “Papa!” she heaves and hugs Clark.

“Happy birthday!” says Clark.

“Is it my birthday today?” she asks.

“No, in a few days, honey,” Bruce laughs again as he pulls her into a hug.

When Bruce lets her go she jumps a few times and cries harder. “We’re going to Disneyland! Thank you, Daddy! Thank you, Papa!”

* * *

 

When they wake up after their flight in their hotel, Clark’s phone blows up with notifications. Stephanie becomes an overnight sensation. Gotham loves her, of course, and Disneyland says they’re looking forward to having the Wayne-Kents visiting them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The last bit is based on Lily’s Disneyland Surprise video.


End file.
